The best way to help your child recover is to walk that fine line of being both firm and loving. Often due to your own temperament and possibly how you were raised, caregivers tend to lean to one pole. Being firm is great for follow through and can also lead to patients feeling judged or invalidated. However only focusing on providing warmth can lead to the Eating Disorder getting away with behaviors! The goal is- be BOTH. That can be really hard for a couple reasons. The eating disorder can make you feel out of control and inadequate so it’s common for caregivers to get frustrated with their child and struggle to provide warmth. Or perhaps you are just so scared of the what if’s that being hard on your child is just too much to bear.
If you have a partner – check in with them. Be vulnerable and share where you may struggle. It’s easy to get annoyed with your partner’s style and think that they are a huge problem. Try and reframe it as BOTH those styles are essential and embrace it. The goal is not to change who you are or who your partner is. And let’s be honest your partner’s differing temperament is probably what attracted you to them in the first place. Rather than get stuck on what you wish they would do better or change who you are, use your own temperaments as strengths then TRY and move towards the middle. If you have excellent error detection and follow through, deliberately try and acknowledge all the things your child is doing well. If you tend to avoid the tough meals, get yourself in the game and test yourself. Being able to tolerate seeing your child in distress is a muscle that needs to be developed.